It's so common not to trust or know who to turn to. You may not even feel like talking to anyone you know. It's too embarrassing, you feel like such a failure, all those things rolling around in your head.
Thank God for the internet right? Well in some cases maybe not. But in this case there is help available online.
Take a quick look at the free course available to help you through this difficult time. It's time to heal and this is the best start I've ever found!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
You thought it wouldn't ever happen to you.
Wow, now it did. How can you put one foot in front of the other and go on. Everything is difficult, sleeping, moving through the daily motions, it's like devastation you'd see after a tornado where nothing is left, only it's your world that has been shattered. It's like you're all alone lost out in the rain with nothing to show for all the work and years you put in. Yet down deep there's the yearning to get started again.
Before you can get to that point though this person you thought you knew so well has to go through the turmoil too. They have to deal with the negative consequences for their selfishness, their foolish mistake of electing to cheat rather than stepping back and taking a long hard look at life or coming to you first to admit they were tempted to do something really, really asinine.
You must know too that generally the person your spouse was with is usually not smarter, better, more talented, or a wonder in the bedroom. It's just another person. Although these ideas will be dogging you and continue to cause you to doubt yourself, put yourself down, and destroy your self-worth if you let them. So STOP. We don't know what is in someone else's heart or why they would do something so stupid as cheat, break marriage vows, or destroy a relationship they have contributed to for often years. But if you look at some of the reasons why people give for cheating, you usually don't hear, "Well he was really hot," nor do you hear "She could recite the Constitution." The majority of the time cheaters can't give any reason that could validate their brainless choice. So enough about them, it was just stupid. Now let's move on to your deeper needs today and for the future.
You Need to Rediscover You
When everything you counted on has been pulled out from under you by marriage infidelity, you may be starting over from scratch. But before you can reinvent yourself, you need to really face these three things in order to move ahead and design the best life possible for you. You need to consider your wants, needs, and values.
There are three steps before you can begin to discover and survive the emotional destruction that your spouse's affair caused.
First, Face the Pain
You are entitled to be mad and hurt. The discomfort of emotional pain is no less stressful than physical pain. You can't ignore it, evade it, or even escape it for a minute it seems. You have to deal with the pain, define the emotions you're feeling. Yes it will be maddening and uncomfortable. But acknowledging your feelings is the step toward accepting that you are going through a terrible, terrible time and that will lead to healing. There are tools that can help you get through the pain.
Second, Take Time to Get A Little Perspective
Earlier we mentioned common haunting thoughts victims of an affair have. You know, she must have been thinner, prettier, younger, smarter, etc. That can be so hard on you. It will take time to deal with this painful negative chatter going on in your head. It's normal though. In time you will regain a more normal perspective.
Draft a Relief Plan
Knowing and acknowledging the painful emotions are only part of the plan. You just can't have all that negativity festering inside of you. It's unhealthy. You've got to get rid of it. You need "relief" breaks whether that be weekly lunch breaks with friends, regular exercise, walks or bike rides with the kids or the dog, something to get you outside of your little world outside of your little pity party. You must be integrated into the whole world and know that you are not stuck in a life of misery.
You can be much stronger than you think you are. What else have you learned since this all happened? Are you ready to rediscover yourself after marriage infidelity?
Before you can get to that point though this person you thought you knew so well has to go through the turmoil too. They have to deal with the negative consequences for their selfishness, their foolish mistake of electing to cheat rather than stepping back and taking a long hard look at life or coming to you first to admit they were tempted to do something really, really asinine.
You must know too that generally the person your spouse was with is usually not smarter, better, more talented, or a wonder in the bedroom. It's just another person. Although these ideas will be dogging you and continue to cause you to doubt yourself, put yourself down, and destroy your self-worth if you let them. So STOP. We don't know what is in someone else's heart or why they would do something so stupid as cheat, break marriage vows, or destroy a relationship they have contributed to for often years. But if you look at some of the reasons why people give for cheating, you usually don't hear, "Well he was really hot," nor do you hear "She could recite the Constitution." The majority of the time cheaters can't give any reason that could validate their brainless choice. So enough about them, it was just stupid. Now let's move on to your deeper needs today and for the future.
You Need to Rediscover You
When everything you counted on has been pulled out from under you by marriage infidelity, you may be starting over from scratch. But before you can reinvent yourself, you need to really face these three things in order to move ahead and design the best life possible for you. You need to consider your wants, needs, and values.
There are three steps before you can begin to discover and survive the emotional destruction that your spouse's affair caused.
First, Face the Pain
You are entitled to be mad and hurt. The discomfort of emotional pain is no less stressful than physical pain. You can't ignore it, evade it, or even escape it for a minute it seems. You have to deal with the pain, define the emotions you're feeling. Yes it will be maddening and uncomfortable. But acknowledging your feelings is the step toward accepting that you are going through a terrible, terrible time and that will lead to healing. There are tools that can help you get through the pain.
Second, Take Time to Get A Little Perspective
Earlier we mentioned common haunting thoughts victims of an affair have. You know, she must have been thinner, prettier, younger, smarter, etc. That can be so hard on you. It will take time to deal with this painful negative chatter going on in your head. It's normal though. In time you will regain a more normal perspective.
Draft a Relief Plan
Knowing and acknowledging the painful emotions are only part of the plan. You just can't have all that negativity festering inside of you. It's unhealthy. You've got to get rid of it. You need "relief" breaks whether that be weekly lunch breaks with friends, regular exercise, walks or bike rides with the kids or the dog, something to get you outside of your little world outside of your little pity party. You must be integrated into the whole world and know that you are not stuck in a life of misery.
You can be much stronger than you think you are. What else have you learned since this all happened? Are you ready to rediscover yourself after marriage infidelity?
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